If you thought ghosting and love-bombing were the worst dating nightmares, buckle up, the dating dictionary just keeps getting uglier. The rise of apps, situationships, and fast-food romance culture has birthed a whole new set of toxic trends.
They sound funny at first, but they can leave you feeling drained, confused, and questioning your self-worth. So, before you get caught in someone’s messy games, here’s your guide to the newest dating red flags.
1. Monkey-barring:
Remember Tarzan swinging from one vine to another without ever letting go? That’s exactly what monkey-barring looks like in dating. Someone refuses to break up with their current partner until they’ve secured the next one. Instead of choosing singlehood, they prefer overlapping relationships, leaving a trail of hurt feelings behind.
If you’re always suspicious that your partner has “the next thing” lined up before ending things with you, chances are, you’ve been monkey-barred.
2. Pocketing:
You’re dating, things are going well, but somehow… you never meet their friends, family, or even make it onto their Instagram. That’s pocketing. It’s when your partner keeps you hidden away like a secret accessory.
They want you close in private but nowhere near their public life. While privacy can be healthy, pocketing often signals embarrassment, uncertainty, or commitment issues.
3. Shrekking:
It sounds harmless, even funny, until you realize it’s toxic at its core. Shrekking is when someone dates a person they consider “beneath their league” purely to boost their own ego.
They don’t genuinely value the relationship, they just want to feel like the more attractive or desirable one. It’s demeaning, shallow, and unfair to the person being used as a self-esteem prop.
4. Banksying:
Inspired by the elusive street artist Banksy, this trend is all about big, dramatic gestures followed by vanishing acts. One moment, your date is sending handwritten notes, surprise gifts, or a carefully curated playlist.
The next? Radio silence. Banksying feels exciting at first, but it leaves you with whiplash and a lot of unanswered “what did I do wrong?” questions.
5. Zombeing:
Just when you’ve moved on from being ghosted, they reappear from the dead. Zombeing is when someone who vanished suddenly crawls back into your DMs with a casual “Hey, stranger” or “You up?” months later.
They act like nothing happened, ignoring the emotional mess they left behind. Unless you’re into dating actual zombies, it’s best to hit block and let them rest in peace.
6. Cookie Jarring:
This one’s extra sneaky. Cookie jarring happens when you’re kept as someone’s backup option, their “Plan B.” You’re not their first choice, but they keep you around just in case things with their main squeeze don’t work out.
You’re the cookie they nibble on when they’re bored, not the main meal. It’s dehumanizing and a clear sign you deserve better.
7. Floodlighting:
Think love-bombing, but darker. Floodlighting is when someone overwhelms you with attention, compliments, and emotional intensity, but not out of love. The real aim is manipulation.
By flooding you with intimacy, they create dependency, making it easier to control your emotions and decisions. It can feel intoxicating at first, but it’s a red flag disguised as romance.
8. Ghostlighting:
The ultimate gaslight special. Ghostlighting combines two of the most painful toxic moves: ghosting and gaslighting. First, they disappear without explanation. Then, when you confront them or they crawl back, they deny ever pulling away.
Suddenly, you’re questioning your memory, your feelings, and your sanity. It’s psychological manipulation at its worst.
Why Do You Need to Know These Terms?
These dating trends aren’t just buzzwords for TikTok, they describe real behaviors that can seriously mess with your self-esteem. Being able to name them gives you power. You realize it’s not about you being “too much” or “not enough.” It’s about someone else’s lack of maturity, empathy, or respect.
The next time you find yourself being pocketed, monkey-barred, or zombied, remember this: you are not a backup plan, an ego boost, or a secret. You are worthy of being loved openly, honestly, and fully.
Dating is messy, yes, but it shouldn’t leave you constantly second-guessing yourself. Trends come and go, but respect, clarity, and kindness never go out of style. Spot the red flags early, protect your energy, and save yourself for someone who doesn’t treat relationships like a TikTok challenge.
