Love, Sex & Fat phobia : Why My Body Doesn’t Need Your Permission to Be Desired or Loved

Let’s get one thing straight, desire is not limited to a dress size, and love doesn’t knock only on toned abs and size zero waists.

But society would have you believe otherwise. Especially when you’re in a bigger body like mine. The world loves to sexualise love and shrink-wrap it into one tiny aesthetic, usually thin, fair, cis, straight, and conventionally attractive. Anything outside of that? Apparently not worthy. Not desirable. Not lovable.

Once, during a perfectly regular conversation about dating and being single, an acquaintance, whose face I barely remember but whose audacity I’ll never forget, decided to enlighten me.

He said: “Maybe if you lose some weight, you’ll find the one.” As if love is hiding behind a kale smoothie and 10,000 steps a day.

His logic was simple (and incredibly stupid):

Lose weight = look better = more acceptable to men = finally find love.

According to his pea-sized brain, most men “don’t like big women.” And so, for the sake of becoming dateable or lovable or even tolerable, I must lose weight.

To that, I responded with what I still consider one of my finest comebacks: “If we’re talking about visual appeal that basically boils down to how f*ckable I am, then I assure you, I’d have a new man every day if I wanted one.”

This was just because I could. Just because I’ve got curves AND confidence, and trust me, my dating apps don’t look empty. They’re brimming with right swipes (I only hope they’ve read my bio too).

And yet, I find this narrative fascinating. The idea that larger bodies can be seen as fetishized or hyper-sexualised, but not loved. That we can be someone’s secret late-night text or a “guilty pleasure,” but never the one they introduce to their friends or marry.

But let me be clear: I am not here to shrink myself into someone’s acceptable aesthetic.

I am not here to be tolerated. I am here to be chosen, as I am. Big, bold, beautiful, and deeply worthy of real love.

Also, side note: I couldn’t help but wonder while he was dishing out his unsolicited advice, which Sports Illustrated swimsuit model was sitting next to him?

I’ll wait. (Hint: no one.)

Let’s end this idea that love is only for a select body type. That bigger bodies must perform more, prove more, or become less to be seen as worthy.

After all, love is not a reward for weight loss. It is not a finish line you cross after meeting a beauty standard. It is a basic human experience and everybody deserves it.

Including mine.

Especially mine.

- By Karishma Chavan